The Age of Innocence

As the four-year-old little girl walked into the delivery room where her mom held her newborn, she quickly exclaimed, "mommy! Where did you buy it? If this is not pure innocence, I do not know what it is.

In this week's episode, a pediatrician spoke to the fact that we as parents, we have the inherited obligation to nurture and teach our children to grow up responsibly, especially, in the age of Columbine.

On April 20, 1999, at Columbine High School in Littleton, Colorado, two teenagers walked onto the grounds of their high school before noon. Both dressed in trench coats, proceeded to shoot fellow peers outside Columbine High School, located just south of Denver. The two teenagers subsequently entered the school building, where they mercilessly gunned down many of their fellow students in the library. By a span of approximately eight minutes both had taken the lives of a dozen   students and a student instructor, and physically and emotionally wounded more than 20 others. Shortly thereafter the two teens committed suicide.

The introspective question is, what happened to these two teens during the interim of the age of four and their teenage years?

There are obvious clues, to mention one, it was reported that one student was asked by one of the gun towing teens if she believed in God. When she said, “Yes,” she lost her life.

As I have mentioned in the past, I grew up on a farm where it took efforts to grow grapes, efforts to raise livestock, and it also takes effort to rear children by means of nurturing, and by teaching them a sense of humanity.

Of course, sometimes parents can do their best in rearing children, but the matter of the fact is, the efforts of parents is not unilateral, the child needs to cooperate with the instruction given, it is a bilateral relationship.

I often hear that parents should love their children unconditionally, is this so? Does this mean that there is no consequence in human behavior?

The sooner a child understands that there are repercussions to their behavior, they will develop a sense of responsibility for their personal actions. Simply put, we love the child, but not their unruly behavior.

Unfortunately, once a person becomes a parent, the role does not automatically come with a manual. However, there are definite sources to learn how to rear children, and it is up to the new parent to invest time and their resources to do the best they can.

Children are not dense; they are always observing their parents by way of their example. So, it behooves parents to apply the principles they would want their children to implement. In fact, I would say 90% in how a parent carries themselves will positively or negatively affect a child, hence, chip off the old block.

They say that a snowflake is unlike any other snowflake. This is also true with all humans down to the molecular level. Thus, no child is the same, which requires a different approach in nurturing.

Set reasonable goals based on the abilities of your child and personal interests with the proven principles that will serve him or her well through life.

We have mentioned that there is no human alike, not even in identical twins, there are always different measurable subtleties. So, never ever compare your child with another, but in the contrary, always validate their accomplishments and their personal feelings on what matters to them, listen to their feelings and not so much their words.

Help your child to appreciate that there will be disappointments in life, help them deal with life's difficulties by mentioning your own disappointments and failures, unless you are a perfect human. LOL!

Teach them the principle of saying (sorry), teamwork, love, forgiveness, and considering the feelings of others called empathy.

Yet, there will be times we have to discipline, therefore, be conscious of what will be effective for that child. There is a difference between physical discipline and a beating, wait until you cool off, be fair, be constructive, do not tear them down emotionally, be consistent, it is a form of teaching. Make sure to show your approval for their positive behavior and assist them to appreciate that we all learn from our mistakes.

As a parent, let your yes, mean yes, and your no mean no unequivocally.

The principle of trust is foundational for the child to grow up with confidence, otherwise it is an uphill battle for the child in solidifying relationships and as parents, we cannot afford that, always mean what you say.

The phrase, (good things come to those who wait). This is a truism. Therefore, teach your child patience, which flies in the face of today's immediate gratification. Teach your kids patience which sets them up to be able to endure and are more likely to succeed in their endeavors.

Additionally, teaching a child responsibility starts early on. Do you recall when your capable baby dropped his bottle, he immediately looked up to you to pick it up?

Encourage your children to develop commitment, and that there is a cause and effect in all consequences in what we do, this is rudimentary to learning.

The bottom line, we as parents and our children, we are a work in progress. We will make mistakes, however, let me leave you with the following thought.

Have you heard the expression "I could kick myself for doing that?" Have you ever tried it? Physiologically impossible! It was never meant to be, so do not take it too hard when you make a mistake, instead, learn from it.