Recovering From Trauma

​At the age of nine while riding my bike home from school, as I traversed the intersection I got hit by a vehicle. I was certain the driver saw me since the driver was not moving, it was the only vehicle at the crossing, however, the driver decided   to move into the intersection and turned in to me right in the middle of the street. I was thrown off my bike, I was totally stunned, and what was so striking, no pun intended, the driver never got off their vehicle to check on my condition. Fortunately, I was not hurt or did not know at the time, but because of adrenaline I quickly got up and hopped on my bike and went home as fast as I could.

At the time I could not process what had just happened, I did not even inform my parents and never did. I have often wondered why I never reported the incident to my parents. I was afraid I would be blamed for not being alert and careful enough would be my only guess. Now that I am thinking about it, I have only revealed my incident to two people over the years, and now, you. Or I did get hurt and all my life's experiences since then have just been something I have dreamt of while in a comatose condition. I know, it is weird thinking, but it would sure make a good plot for a movie. I can only deduce that I was traumatized, and I suspect the driver was as well because of their reaction or the lack thereof.

In this week's episode an internationally recognized therapist said that we all have experienced trauma to some degree or another and our emotional negative repercussions eventually show up and effects our personal and business life.

Trauma is defined as a profound distressing or disturbing episode that includes mental, emotional, and physical injury in life, and as I am defining this term you may be thinking of your own incident.

As Merle Haggard sings in one of my favorite songs, "memories are stronger than time", and memories make us dredge up certain deep-seated emotions. True, some memories are positive that make us smile, but there are also negative memories that make us weep. Then, there are some memories with more profound, and affect us more severely, without being aware of it. Sometimes just a certain glimpse of something, a smell, a certain noise which reminds me of my cousin who experienced the war in Vietnam. After his two tours in southeast Asia, when he would hear a certain noise, he would immediately hit the ground with his hands over his head. There is no question about it, there are many that struggle with emotional and psychological trauma.

The fact of the matter is, traumatic experiences in life cannot be changed, and they may continue to affect us or can affect us intermittently. Although we cannot change our past, we can heal from these negative experiences, it is possible.

To illustrate, while putting up some barb fencing many years ago, one of the wire strands gave way and slashed my arm above the elbow. I did heal, however, it left me with an obvious scar to remind me of, and occasionally, it gets a little sensitive because of the keloid. My point is, my arm healed even though it reminds me sometimes, but it does not bother me so much that it is not tolerable. Similarly, pain due to emotional and psychological trauma is manageable and tolerable.

So how do we begin to heal those emotional and psychological open wounds?

The human family is naturally gregarious, we need the human connection, the human touch, the sense of belonging, in fact, you see it in all living creatures. Think of it, there are flocks of all sorts, there are herds of all sorts, there are pods of mammals of all sorts and so forth. We can learn from them, much like biologists have learned their instinctive behavior and even have reversed engineered their natural behavioral characteristic to improve our lives in many ways.

Having said the forgoing, never isolate yourself, but accept the lunch invitation when asked, join a group that share your personal interests, who share your personal perspective, who share the same goals with the bigger picture of the future, and it will start to mitigate your emotional struggles.

How do I know this? I have been there, I know what works, what does not work, and speaking from empirical experience, I am no longer a spring chicken.

Let us examine one example that I think many people would strive to emulate or copy as a behavioral model.

Have you ever seen a flock of geese flying overhead? The only caveat I can share with you is never stand underneath when you see this geese formation. You have noticed the unique shape of the formation which reminds you of the letter V, which stands for "victory” from my perspective. Research has discovered that the innate nature of this bird while in flight has a lesson to teach us about unity, taking the lead, human connection, and teamwork.

Did you know that as each goose flaps its wings, it generates an air “uplift” for the bird that is directly behind it and when the front bird tires out, they rotate? By flying in this V formation, the entire flock adds 71% more energy than flying alone, thus impacting the stamina as to how long and how far the flock can fly. And when a goose drops out of synchrony, it quickly gets into formation with the encouragement of the flocks honking. Are you starting to see the importance of the human connection?

Is it not true, there is more strength in unity when there is a group working for the same goal?

Another beautiful characteristic is when a goose gets ill or wounded by gunshot, two geese will fall out of formation and descend with the injured bird while honking as an encouragement, to aid and assist and to show their protection. And they linger until the goose expires or recovers to rejoin the flock or they launch a new formation to accomplish their concerted effort.

Please meditate on what I shared with you in how to recover from emotional and psychological trauma as I get ready to meet with my personal V of friends.