Have you ever heard of the idiom "man up?" It carries the connotation that a man needs to demonstrate a little more bravado, a little more boldness or intimidate by way of assertive behavior or masculinity. And since it has been said that this is a man's world, can we have a man to man talk? In a recent episode, my guest, a former U.S. Army Ranger, delved into the meaning of masculinity, however, not in terms of busting down doors of which he did in the middle east during his military years. Think of it, he was an elite by military definition, yet, once he retired, once he was removed from his element, he struggled with what the world expected from him as a man. He quickly came to appreciate that there is much more than being an Army Ranger.
When we observe societies around the world, men are looked upon as protectors of the family and the community. Throughout the ages men have had the (responsibility) to ensure that their homes and communities are safe and secure from threats within and dangers from the outside world, Even expected to accept arms if necessary. While this might sound old-fashioned, this concept will continue to prevail in today's world and will continue indefinitely until the human condition radically changes. For example, we must admit, like my guest, the majority enrolled in the armies in all cultures are mostly men. Typically, the masculine gender is also expected, historically, to participate in resolving disagreements where physical strength at times is necessary. In this blog, however, I am not minimizing the role of women, in fact, have there ever been a man without a mother? The fact is, there are clear responsibilities that are divided along gender lines; However, I am strictly discussing the responsibility of what makes a man. What I must express with focus, is that man's responsibility and their intrinsic values must be defined and displayed by the role of a real man. It is not intended to be condescending or to excoriate anyone, but to bring an observation to the forefront that may be a game changer for someone. One case in point, it has been reported that there is an Epidemic or should I say pandemic Of Fatherless Boys, and the percentage of them are living at home without their biological father, and tragically has almost doubled since 1960. Not having the day-to-day involvement by a father, the direction, the ongoing positive example of their father within the home, and not to mention the financial support that a father provides in the household, these young men are more likely to lack self-control, display behaviors of resentment, struggle academically, are more apt to fail as adults, and it becomes generational. Where are the fathers of these boys? Are these men afraid to fail, therefore, they avoid their responsibility? And this is what my guest emphasized, and that is, there are many men that are still living as boys themselves, they have not learned to be the caliber of man they need to be for the sake of their family. Did you know men have higher levels of suicidal ideation than women? Studies have discovered One key factor of which is the lack of communication. Compared to women, women are more opened and willing to share their troubles and men tend to clam up or bottle up their feelings. But this is not surprising, for generations, many cultures have encouraged men to be the strong silent type, the John Wayne syndrome, never admitting the turmoil they suffer. Unfortunately, men while growing up were taught that boys do not cry, and the way some parents communicate with their children, encouraging boys to express themselves is so different in how mothers communicate with their daughters, and the end result is the baggage of self-doubt and fear carried into adulthood. Psychological studies have shown that fear and uncertainty can be very debilitating. The fear of failure can be so overwhelming, some men will avoid it at all costs. We often admire successful men in all aspects of their life, but rarely do we hear how they got there, it was not smooth sailing they will tell you; Failure is experienced by all people on the road to achieving their goals. What counts is not how many times we fall, but how many times we get up and move forward. Could we be so afraid of failing that we cannot move forward? Are we afraid of what people will say and the shame that may come with it? We are not measured by our failures, failures do not define us, we are measured only by the attainment of our successes, and once we realize that you will find that success breeds success. Every human needs to know that they can measure up to the task, we want to have a sense of usefulness, and to feel necessary. But if we feel inadequate, what does that say about us? Considering the economy, we may lose our jobs and struggle to provide for the basics needs of the family. But rest assured, no matter who it is, all of us have been endowed with talents, find yours, and use them for solidifying the family unit. Do not shy away, do not be afraid to learn something new to implement, take a calculated risk and you will not regret it. Otherwise, we will be perceived as being weak even though we know better than that, but the stigma of weakness may be worse than the actual truth. I must say that the perception of weakness keeps men from showing their true feelings, the facade of stoicism prevents the ability of men to show their honest emotions which is necessary for developmental growth. We all have an innate need for our lives to have significance at the end of the day. If you are grappling with feelings of insignificance, I would suggest the following. First, consider what you do best and then proceed to use it to aid and assist others. There is no person that does not need a bit of understanding and compassion, and if you share these qualities with just one person, I promise you, you will never be insignificant. Many do not want to take a risk and look inane and Foolish. Of course, I am not advocating throwing caution into the wind, but there is such a thing as educated and intuitive risk. The law of averages is on your side if you want it, because the more you avail yourself of risk, the more you run the risk of being successful. That is how it works! It is time to uncover and pull out the roots of what you were repeatedly told while growing up that instilled in you the obstacle of fear. Do you recall? "You will never amount to anything!" "Can't you be more like your brother?" "You are so stupid, why bother?" I would venture to say that the worst that we will be experiencing in life has already occurred, and now it is time to move on to bigger things. The fact that you Are still here, gives you an accreditation of resilience and shows you are capable of coping with future challenges with manageable apprehension. Incidentally, fear was granted to us for a reason, it has a purpose and we do not want to ignore it completely. Fear serves as a protection, therefore, critically analyze your apprehensions whether it is warranted, and if it is not, dismiss it as a residual from the past. Take actional steps to move forward as the caliber of man that you want to be, a man that rises to the occasion when others need you. The adage that says "inch by inch is a sinch, but by the yard, it very hard" is applicable in everything we do. What I would strongly encourage you to do is to cozy up to your fears, invite whatever fears we may have for a cup of coffee, or tea, befriend them, speak frankly with your fears, and you will eventually defang your fears, trepidation will dissipate, and you will neutralize anything that has been disconcerting to you for the longest time. Irrespective of whatever we have experienced, stand up, look around, we are still here, and as far as I can tell, the earth is still turning on its axes.
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