What does it mean when you lend your ear to someone? The implication is you are going to listen carefully and sympathetically to that person. And of course, this requires hearing comprehensively well enough to possibly be of some good by offering advisement or just quietly listening to understand their feelings and commiserate. In one of this week's episodes, an audiologist emphasized the fundamental importance of being able to hear interesting conversations with family and loved ones thus enjoying life and all it offers. Such as hearing your children at play, the natural world around us and so much more in how we perceive it. My guest indicated that on average it takes seven years to finally conclude that there is an issue with hearing ability, it is subtle, therefore, she encouraged for those of fifty-years of age and up to visit an audiologist to arrive at a base line and determine what needs to be done to improve our hearing. Incidentally, as of October of 2022, over-the-counter hearing aids are now available and are much more affordable. As we know listening is imperative to communication, and with your permission, this is what I will expand in this blog assuming our hearing is normal.
However, I must ask myself, I wonder if the reason most people talk to themselves is because they are often the only ones who are willing to listen? It would be a generally sad state of affairs if that were the case! I am sure we can agree that there is a distinct difference between being able to hear and willing to actually listen. To expand on that a bit, Listening lends itself more to a psychological process, rather than a physiological act. With the human ear we hear words and take them in, after that, it becomes psychological because we have to interpret what the words mean in conjunction with non-verbal communication such as facial and body language as well. Non-verbal communication also includes tone of voice, pitch, pace and power of speech, eye to eye contact, body posture and so on. I recall an FBI agent, a body language expert, stated that if there is inconsistency between the verbal and the non-verbal being displayed, we tend to put greater weight on the non-verbal, it is definitely an art to acquire. I would have to include that the more we know the person, we are more than likely to get the correct understanding, for example, what is being said has to match our familiarity of that individual which unfortunately, can be referred to as a bias. There are so many nuances of communication going on simultaneously. Ever tried to listen to someone when you are not familiar with the topic, especially if you are totally not interested? It is impossible! Unless we ask curious questions to grasp what is being said, I suppose you can call it having an open mind, but do not let it fall out. It boils down to the tendency of hearing what we want to hear. I wonder, could Listening be falling to the wayside as a lost art because we are communicating much more electronically? Think of it, being an excellent listener will assist you in every aspect of life, with family relationships, friends, and with your coworkers. A huge problem is Distraction. Of course, listening may not be as dangerous as keeping your eyes on the road while driving, but when you receive a text, it is almost impossible not to avert your eyes to the incoming text. Who is this and what do they want? In fact, studies have shown that if you were to travel at 65 miles per-hour, and you avert your eyes from the road for one second, you just traveled 95 feet as if you were blind folded. Therefore, to improve our listening we must pay attention, be in the moment and respond accordingly. You can always tell, and I am guilty of this, when talking on the phone, there is a certain lag of response in the interchange, you are not in the moment, tuning out for a second or two and the other person knows it consciously or subconsciously. When someone is getting ready to speak to you, clear your mind and lend your ear fully by carefully listening. Do not let your phone distract that moment and if you must, turn it off. If you are in front of the monitor, turn away from it with your chair facing toward the person addressing you. Even if you hear your email chime, do not let it distract you. Try to pay attention fully to the other individual, disregarding what you must do and even the mundane tasks. Incidentally, multitasking is a total myth, the mind cannot concentrate on two things equally at the same time. So why not focus on that person completely? I have learned that the best kind of listening is about being extemporaneous, not being prepared or rehearsed of what you are going to say or ask next in the interaction. You must ask yourself; how can I know what to say or ask if I do not know what the other person is going to say? You must trust in yourself that you will respond appropriately to what is being said to you. This will have a tremendous impact on the other person, providing a powerful message that you are listening, you are in the moment, thus you are demonstrating you truly care. Having the ability or the gift of listening is demonstratable of the quality of empathy. What you are doing is putting yourself in how they see and feel their world and trying to understand their sentiments. Whatever you do, do not be judgmental, because this will hinder interchange because, remember, they will be observing your non-verbal reactions, your body language. The whole point is, you want to be approachable and most will know that you are interested and willing to understand their perspective, they will open themselves up to you, they will know you can be trusted and respect their position. I have been in situations where someone had to pour their heart out to lessen their emotional burden, and afterwards thanked me profusely for talking to them, but in reality, I did not say much, this is the secret. Here is a useful acronym to always remember, including myself, in any conversation is (WAIT). Which means (Why Am I Talking?) So, if you (lend) your ear to someone in need of your attention, you may reap many dividends on your time you invested to listen.
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