Emotional Competence

How do you measure a person's average intelligence, known as IQ? To answer the question, the average IQ is made to have an average score of 100 usually given by a psychologist. I personally have not taken the test, and have no desire to, some things are best left alone, ignorance is bliss.

However, there is such a thing as Emotional Intelligence, how do you measure it or quantify it as to whether we have a high or a low EI?

In one of this week's episodes my guest, a lawyer/peacemaker, spoke to the importance of cultivating emotional intelligence. He said we must learn to listen beyond words and listen to the emotions of the other, especially, if we want to de-escalate an angry confrontation or situation.

Emotional Intelligence (EI) is defined as the ability to manage both your own feelings and acutely understand the feelings of individuals around us. Unfortunately, many times when there is a heated disagreement, we have the tendency to react instead of communicating with emotional intelligence.

Many times, we are left asking ourselves “why did I say that?" "Where did that come from?" Yes, it is a reaction in lieu of real heart felt communication without understanding or the ability to commiserate with the other person's emotional state.

Scientifically speaking, those that have learned to apply emotional intelligence have benefited and are found to be more productive, tend to advance at their place of employment, and have higher employment satisfaction.

Folks with great emotional intelligence build strong working relationships, there is a sense of teamwork, reducing stress, and helps to inspire others. Their strong communal skills help the business owner and managers to create productive relationships with anyone that interacts with the company, thus, the bottom line, contributing toward improvement of revenue for all.

Imagine what emotional intelligence will do for your family and your circle of friends.

So, how do I know if I have a Low EI and How can I improve on it?

To explain it succinctly, according to Psychology Today, emotional intelligence is the skill to identify and (manage) our own emotions, as well as the other person's emotions.

Emotional intelligence has four sentimental skills: self-awareness, social or communal awareness, empathy, and emotional management. An individual with minimal emotional intelligence is not proficient in one or more of these skills.

Therefore, EI will manifest itself by the wrong reaction, defensiveness, emotionally unapproachable, unwilling to engage, or avoiding direct communication altogether. Hardly a picture of emotional maturity, hence, these behavioral patterns are demonstrable of low emotional competence.

The question must be asked, how do I improve my emotional competence?

First, let me say that Low emotional intelligence does not mean you are a horrible person. But it is an indicator that you are not paying close attention to your emotions. For example, we may wrongly perceive someone's statement as a personal offence, but that was not the intention, we are overly sensitive.

It will take practice to hone our (awareness) of our feelings and the feelings of others.

It is a matter of learning to identify others’ emotions. One suggested way is to turn down the sound of your TV while watching a movie, pay attention to the characters, their facial and body language, and make a note of all the emotions you are seeing. Just between you and me, my favorite pass time is watching silent movies. Or when you are active, at the grocery store, department store, observe the people around you. Can you identify what emotions they are experiencing?

Even while on the phone, you can easily perceive whether the person on the line is frowning, or has a furrowed brow, it comes through in every word uttered. Similarly, you can see whether the person is smiling, you can almost see a clear picture of their facial expressions, almost perceive what they look like, it is all in the voice inflection. This is called the skill of (awareness).

In addition, with awareness, what will also help to improve our emotional competence is to cultivate a keen sense of (empathy), as a result, you will develop a high   EI.

 

Those that research the science of emotions define empathy as the gift to sense the emotions of others, coupled with the ability to perceive the thoughts and feelings of another person, and being keenly aware can help you do that.

The skill of empathy does not come naturally for many, it must be learned and practiced, otherwise, it amounts to low emotional intelligence.

An obvious indicator of the lack of empathy is when we find ourselves being overly critical of others, tacitly judging others, even when the person being judged has no control over the situation whatsoever, or just because they are different from you.

Here are a few tips to improve empathy:

Cultivate Curiosity, if there is anything I have learned along the way, people love to talk about themselves, their personal interests, their family, so ask questions, you may be delightfully surprised to know you both have many things in common. Move out of your comfort zone!

It calls for personal introspection, be available to understand your biases by reflecting inwardly and taking stock in what makes you, you. You may find out that both of you share a common cause in life.

"“You cannot understand someone until you have walked a mile in their shoes.” Whoever first coined this phrase is lost in history. However, the fact that this utterance has never been lost shows the importance of empathy in living a meaningful life, please take this to heart.