The origin of (Mentor) Comes directly from Greek mythology traditionally attributed to the ancient Greek poet Homer where he wrote of Athena who serves as a mentor and inspiration for Telemachus in this epic poem. Without getting into the writing details of Homer, the principles of mentoring and inspiring others are by no means a mythological concept. In a recent episode, a retired Royal Canadian Mounty shared the importance of effective mentoring someone in need of personal attention in terms of coping with past horrific trauma of which my guest also experienced. Mentorship is a relationship between two individuals where the individual with more life experience can share his wisdom with a person with mutual commonality and their field of discipline may be the same, however, it is not always necessary. The value of mentorship provides many reciprocal benefits for both parties, the mentor, and the mentee, hence, developing a relationship that cannot be beneficially measured.
A mentor is a trusted advisor and supporter to another that wants to grow developmentally, it can be a long- or short-term relationship. Incidentally, there is a definite difference between Mentorship and coaching services in that mentoring is a gratuitous resource. Trusted advisors take on this responsibility based on a sincere desire to assist other individuals to cope with a troubled history or grow as a professional and establish a personal business network plan. One well known organization that I have taken advantage over the years is SCORE which was established in 1964 and from what I understand they have assisted more than 11 million entrepreneurs begin, advance, or successfully exit a business. They currently hold 10,000 strong free expert advisors providing resources and academics in all the contiguous 48 states plus Alaska and Hawaii, a PARTNER OF THE Small Business Administration (SBA), it is a wonderful source of help. Some may ask, why should anyone consider becoming a mentor? Being a mentor creates many opportunities to construct interpersonal skillsets like communication, initiative-taking listening, developing emotional intelligence and partnerships. If you want to reinforce your knowledge and skills it helps to share your repertoire of empirical wisdom. For example, you may help a mentee how to learn the art of negotiation through role-playing, honing this skill by practicing thus both are benefiting. Invariably a mentee will share something with you as well, and often it is a give-and-take relationship. I am reminded while going to school, I recall an incredibly special teacher of which I have not forgotten her because of what she would say and do for you personally, she was genuinely interested in your development and left quite an impact on me. When I found myself in the hospital during that school year, she took personal time out of her busy life to come to sit at my bedside and bear gifts. How can you forget someone like that? She was a true-blue mentor! I recall while in her class she spoke of how to make knowledge indelibly permanent in our mind. First, she would speak to the importance of studying to acquire as much knowledge as possible, secondly, she would speak to writing or making an annotation of the points you would learn, and third, she would speak to the essentials of sharing what you learned with others; Thus, knowledge is made indelibly permanent. And these principles of learning, the application, have been my way of remembering the knowledge that is most effective in life. What a legacy to leave behind and to be remembered by! Interestingly, these three principles are documented in the Holy Scriptures, and I wonder whether she adopted these fundamental truths from there. I would not be surprised if she did! However, in my observation, those that have experienced trauma of some kind is pervasive today, in fact, one psychologist informed me that everyone has experienced trauma to some degree and some more than others. Recently, I have been visiting a Vietnam Veteran who went through some heart wrenching experiences as a medic that he will unfortunately never forget. I remember the first time I met him, when he proceeded to tell me about his personal story when he went to war as an incredibly young man at the age of eighteen. He asked me "have you ever seen the movie Hacksaw Ridge?" This was a movie that Mel Gibson produced about the incredible true story of Private First-Class Desmond Thomas who wanted to do his part in World War II as a medic. He was ridiculed in every sense of the word for being a pacifist, not wanting to carry a weapon except medical supplies. My veteran friend proceeded to tell me that "if you have seen that movie, it aptly describes me." And this was an opportunity to avail myself as a listener/mentor of which I did. I will have to admit that I do not consider myself a consummate mentor, however, there is one thing I do well, and that is I am a careful listener. They say the reason we have two ears, and one mouth is so that we will listen twice as much than we speak, therefore, listening is the first key to mentoring. There have been situations where an individual would be talking to me about their struggles and at the end of the visit would thank me for speaking with them, but I never said much at all. How do you explain that? When you listen well, you show to your mentee that you are concerned, that you understand, and those feelings come through. As a result, they get a sense of acceptance and there is an essential element of trust that is developed, so it is a matter of using appropriate nonverbal communication. An occasional “Hmmm” and “Interesting” or Sometimes reflecting by repeating certain phrases to demonstrate you have understood the significance and their emotionality behind what is being said. And of course, facial communication such as eye contact, nodding, frowning when appropriate and slightly leaning toward them confirms your genuine interest in them. We all have a personal story to tell, however, resist the temptation to switch the conversation to your own experiences, resist the temptation to offer immediate solutions, for this only diminishes the significance of their story. Being a careful listener lends itself to building the foundation of trust, and once we are trusted, you never want to violate that confidence by breaking what was said in private. Always respect their boundaries, always follow through with your promises, for mentoring takes time, trust building is pivotal to the foundation of trustworthiness. Do you remember the last time you received expressions of commendation? That said, look for opportunities to encourage your mentee, which builds self-confidence and enables them to progress with their coping skills, just make certain that your encouragement is sincere and not overdone. And guess what? You yourself will be encouraged by their expressions of gratitude! I read somewhere that iron sharpens iron. The process of sharpening is the caressing of the metal, it is a gentle process which depicts how we should encourage others. Along the way I have met individuals, when encouraging others, they are as subtle as a train wreck, of course they mean well but this translates to pounding the iron to sharpen it instead of gently caressing it. But gently point out what they have going for themselves such as their positive traits like their obvious perseverance, their integrity, warm heartedly make it a point to compliment your mentee on their accomplishments and their continued progress. Be personable by privately Commending them, and who does not enjoy hearing the sweetness of their name mentioned favorably to others? in the research of human development, some experts suggest that for every corrective advisement, there should be four or five commendations, but my personal view is to use your intuition in what you say to fit your mentee, tailor your expressions, since we are all different. We must remember that when we speak with someone, you are not only speaking to the present person but also his or her entire tumultuous background, their history, their entire experience in life. Having said the foregoing, and before signing off, my admonition to everyone is to stop trying to be interesting to others, but instead, start to become interested in others!
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