If I were to ask you whether your personality has changed in retrospect, from 40 years ago, or 30, 20 or the last 10 years, do you see a notable change in your personality? Invariably, if we were to answer this question honestly, we would unequivocally say "yes." Ironically, though, most of us cannot see ourselves changing much at all if we were to project ourselves into the future, but the fact is, we will change based on whatever we experience or by solidifying our core values. In this article, I will share whatever it’s worth, my personal observation and research on changing our personality for the better. And Incidentally, I am not advocating a new year’s resolution since they do not provide sustainability. During 2023, Your Lot and Parcel Podcast covered many topics on making changes in life, and I would encourage you to browse the many episodes. Allow me to begin to ask, what personality type are you? Are you happy with how others would define you? The bottom line, Our demeanor is hinged on habits and our decision making. When you make a conscious decision to behave in a certain way over a span of time, lo and behold it will become an engrained habit.
Neurologists have discovered that people who display virtuous positive personality behavior such as "compassion and sincerity" will become an intrinsic part of their personality. So, changing how we consistently respond to experiences is the way to create the new you. Of course, creating a new habit or eliminating any undesirable habit is not an easy task, it takes being resolute and it takes time. However, with enough personal application, these new patterns of demeanor, neuroplastic patterns, will eventually become who you are, and it will become second nature. It is a matter of challenging Your Beliefs, in other words, if your core belief is that you cannot change, then the mindset is set, you will not change. For example, If you are trying to become more of an extrovert or more outgoing, but in your heart you believe that your introversion or taciturn manner is permanent , a fixed attitude, then this will hold you back from becoming more gregarious or sociable. But if you are convinced that your behavioral traits can change, you will tend to be inclined to become more sociable or even the life of the party. Unfortunately, some of us tend to paint ourselves into a corner by labeling who we think we are, for example, like being shy and reserved. And guess what? You will be just that, it becomes a self-fulfillment! This kind of attitude will continue to influence the way you experience the world that surrounds you. If we think of ourselves as demure and reticent, you will deprive yourself of establishing any interaction with that interesting person you just met. My encouragement is Let go of all of what is holding you back and think in terms of yourself as being fluid, constantly changing as a complex person that you are, we cannot afford to be broken down into a single or two types of labels. If you perceive yourself as an uninteresting person, or a musician, an athletic person, or whatever you think of yourself subconsciously, this is what you will continue to be. If you want to influence your perspective, we must discard any undesirable preconceptions about ourselves. We must understand that everything changes over time, no matter what it is, so instead think in terms of a work in progress, nothing is cut and dry, everything is a spectrum and once we realize that many possibilities will avail themselves to you. Dare to question your negative thinking whenever they crop up, because if you find yourself thinking you cannot perform a certain task, the likelihood is you will not. So, when the negative inner voice starts screaming at you, tell it to shut up, and push back until it does. Always fight back your condemning thoughts by means of searching your heart and questioning why you think and feel this way can help you make positive changes. For instance, if you are taking an exam and you begin thinking, “I am not sure about passing this test,” challenge those thoughts by asking yourself, “is this the first test I have ever taken in my life?” "I prepared for this exam and have taken many exams before." Make sure to push back hard on these unproductive thoughts until they dissipate! What can also be a real game changer, is to Express gratitude first thing in the morning. Demonstrating gratitude by word or deed every day will help you cultivate feelings of optimism. When you wake up from your slumber, list at least 3 things that you are grateful for in your life. Many times, we trudge throughout the day in autopilot or going through the usual motions, why not go out of your usual activity to let someone know that you have been thinking of them by giving them a phone call, in person or an uncomplicated text? I think that many of us just do not say "thank you" enough during the day, but in doing so, the happier you will be, and it will come through in your desired behavior. Research is incontrovertible, it has shown that when we increase showing thankfulness, the virtue of trust will become more of your character, including admiration from others, and you will find immense pleasure in life. If you want to experience happiness, this is one of the key components to lasting contentment! If you grapple or struggle with doing this assiduously or regularly, make a written note of it. Even if it may feel a little tacky, nonetheless, writing it down every time can and will make it easier for you to commit to change. One way to remediate or mitigate how you feel is to participate in activities that you have no idea about or any notion thereof. You will be pleasantly surprised to discover something new about your inner self, it will enhance your existence with a new experience and will enrich your new personality. Whatever you decide to do, just make sure it is brand spanking new to you. A real deterrent to personal growth is not letting go of any grievance or anger that you carry within. If you’ve are carrying negative baggage buried deep inside, it’s going to be almost impossible to move forward into a place of joy. I ask myself, who wants to be the fish at the end of the hook being controlled by someone? Sincerely, reaching deep inside your heart for forgiveness is your antidote for curing the anger that is poisoning your spiritual and emotional growth. You cannot move forward unless you lance that festering anger! The secret to forgiveness is to recognize the damage and reconcile yourself with it. Please understand you are not doing yourself any good by wasting a colossal amount of energy on the pain you experienced many years ago. You can start to heal by telling others you forgive them and by moving on will be a real relief, you will not be weighed down anymore. If you find you cannot break yourself loose from this inner resentment, it may be time for you to consult someone qualified to help you sort things out. If you find this behavior changing business a bit too hard, you need to set aside some down time to relax and forget everything for a moment. Your conscious effort to show gratefulness, forming new habits, can be exhausting at some point. Allocate time on a regular basis to do literally whatever you need to do to get some rest like Sleeping in, have your favorite dessert, take in a great movie, a bit of socializing, or whatever helps you to relieve any stress. This will give you something off the beaten path to look forward to when you find yourself becoming weary. Dress and grooming can also be a part of who you are, of course, clothes do not define who you are, but our appearance can be a fun way to express ourselves and influence our personality to who we want to be. Do you want to be a little more brilliant? Why not try some well-fitting smart clothing like a cardigan sweater, a sports jacket instead of anything baggy looking, and you will feel different in how you perceive yourself! Even something as diminutive as wearing a fedora can give you a different outlook, but do not do anything that makes you uncomfortable. A woman can change her hairdo and many other things on her persona that will highlight the new her. Men may decide to sport a mustache or grow a complete beard; however, the caveat is to make sure that it fits you in terms of appearing dignified and with an appearance of respectability. Try your best to cultivate an optimistic attitude by disseminating goodwill everywhere you go. Be readily available to help family and friends in their need, be self-sacrificing even to strangers by going out of your way to help will make an impression, thus your new personality will become noteworthy by all. Additionally, make it a practice being complimentary and Smile with sincerity everywhere you go, and you will find yourself becoming more naturally pleasing! once your core belief is intact, your new personality will also be intact. In the meantime, it is nobody’s business how you really feel inside. What is important here is how you carry on in implementing the new you until it is fully realized. In time, your behavior will start to shape your sincere heart for change. To put it in simpler terms, temporarily fake it until you make it!
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